Your Body is a Mother F'n Wonderland
Dear Mama, Woman, Man, Transgendered persons or those who choose no identification with gender-- to all BEAUTIFUL SOULS,
The following is a love letter of sorts to my body, from my body to your body, to the vastness of life and possibility and shine that is all of our souls.
Before we can launch into my personal rendition of serenading you with the John Mayer classic about the pure wonder that is your body (and I ain’t just speaking to your physical body); we have to clear the air on some stanky-ass shit. I am considering this me stepping into a conversation that is already and thankfully being had-- adding my truth bombs, potty mouth, and perspective.
The truth is that much of the way we come to feel about our bodies was created outside of ourselves, taken in through the senses-- something you’ve seen or heard, or a way that you were touched-- leaving you feeling the pains of the message and the discomfort of being in the skin you're in.
My bold and crass mic drop (sorry not sorry) -- sidenote, most of the time I speak like a free-lovin' hippie but when I am extra passionate I tend to use my mother trucker mouth -- body issues are like assholes, and we all have them.
All women (all beings) have some form of dissatisfaction or straight up gunshot wound pain when it comes to our bodies.
Since we can't get rid of our actual elimination station (hint- I am talking about buttholes again in case you're confused), my sincerest wish for all beings is that whatever your body issues are that they are healed and dispelled because they are as toxic and harmful and smelly as poop.
And please hear this next part, because it is a big part of the problem.
“Skinny Bitches” and yeah I have been called that, we all got about 99 problems with ourselves and being “skinny” doesn’t make us free from the pain, so let’s all let that assumption go because the truth is striving for and living in a “skinny body” can come with plenty of self-hatred and judgment too.
I also was privy to "fatty fatty two by four can't fit through the dressing room door" so can't imagine where my skinny-biotch problems came from???
Oh and that was in the days long before cyber bullying.
The distortions about our bodies and the dis-ease we feel stem from many sources.
The focus and glorification of a particular body size and shape is part of what created self-image and body shame problems.
Little girls being praised for their beauty while taking in the societal and beauty industry messages that have for so long been about making yourself smaller, another contributor.
Little boys being programmed to be rough and tough, show no emotion that isn't "manly" and that they are to be successful providers. While little girls get the "Sit still and look pretty" and believe that we are too emotional, and we better take care of everyone else because that seems to be what our mother did.
Little boys being told not to act too girly, yeah all that caused pain in the identity that was trying to form.
Messages about our bodies come from those closest to us, strangers and people who are projecting judgments because they are just so wildly uncomfortable in their own skin because their pain body is screaming too.
I got issues, you got them too, we all have them, I’ll try not to give mine to you and girl you do you.
The ache that is felt comes unwanted and unsolicited when your body is treated as a sexual object. When you're harassed and somehow think it's your fault because the masculine dominance and power trip we've been living in was real- but thank all the gods that the fierce feminine energy is on the rise, and we will not bow down and quiet our voices anymore.
Another big one, and this ones for the MAMA’s or Moms to be.
Pregnant women are subjected to so many comments about their changing bodies. People reach out to touch you or say something about you being due any day when you might have months to go, meanwhile your still trying to make sense of the growing life inside you. Perhaps pregnancy was the first time in your life you ever truly felt beautiful because you finally had an understanding of the incredible which is your body, or conversely maybe pregnancy felt scary and out of control because you oriented yourself to a small figure for so long.
The wonder and amazement of carrying another life can be lost because you aren't feeling well and we've also developed this language implying that pregnancy is the time that your finally able to "let your body go" but if ever there was a time to cherish yourself it is when you have another life dependent on your caring for and nourishing yourself.
Lastly, there is the issue that nearly the moment you birth your scared being, your receiving the messages about your body "bouncing back"-- let's clear the air here your body is a creator of life, and that is miraculous.! You were beautiful before that, during, and after.
Which brings me to my next point. We are always just a new version of ourselves, and whenever we get into comparison mode, we are in trouble. Comparing your body to another is futile and hurtful to all parties involved, especially when we make assumptions based on surface level images and have no idea the story of the human being.
Check out this fantastic company called Beauty Redefined, they say "Your before picture might be someone else's after" just let that sink in.
Comparing ourselves with previous versions of ourselves is not all that helpful either, you can't go back. Maybe there was a time you thought you were happier about your body because in your mind it was visually more pleasing ( perhaps because of the beauty standards that were crammed down your throat)-- but let me ask you this, were you TRULY happier then?
I am all for measuring progress and working on goals if feeling better in your body is the goal, and if your health is at risk, do the damn thing girl. These goals can most certainly include feeling better about the way you look without the need for anyone else's validation.
But another question-- if you are not enjoying the effort that it takes to get the results, like its all out misery, have you considered there is another way? And this does not imply it will be easy, but maybe there are ways on your path to spark more joy?
Oh wait wait, I almost forgot a most critical part of the topic on the front of Mama's and our baby carrying bods. The HORRIFIC injustice that became our culture of fear and mistrust in the natural and powerful process that is birth. Before I go further, EVERY BIRTH experience is valid, enough, and worthy. However, the medical model of birth for so many, has taken women out of the seat of their power and the truth that their bodies were designed as a portal of life.
The rates of interventions and maternal mortality for a country that is as well off as America are confusing and upsetting. Again, thank god for the life-saving measures we have in place, but there are a lot of things done that are not required.
Fear it's self inhibits the physiological process of birth, we can't open up when we are in a state of stress and worry, doubt and mistrust, in a place with people that are not supporting our bodies to do the work and believe there is a timeline in which the delivery has to occur.
Hopefully, a child was conceived with love, and it is that love that is the most necessary element in terms of the human-made chemicals that actually progress a birth, that and some movement and nourishment and people who empower you.
For more on this topic of Your Birth and Your Worth, listen to this brilliant podcast produced by a local Doula friend of mine and one of her tribe.
Since I can't help it, a final thought on motherhood and parenting. We all want what's best for our children, and the trouble is we bought into an American dream that has in a lot of ways turned into a nightmare. We are bringing hope and the joy into the world, and we have the role of supporting ourselves and them in changing the narrative of these issues, retiring old beliefs and deleting the subconscious messaging. The pain body is developed during the ages of 2-7, yeah that's right, the dysfunction of adults was planted as a seed when we are just a wee one.
Here's the thing, I believe the human consciousness is shifting because it has to, and you can either get on the plane that is rising up or stay on the one that is calling out May Day.
We can't keep Waiting on the World to Change, we have to each be the change we wish to see.
I'll be quick because I have already tended to this previously our "Healthcare" system is another branch of this whole body disservice-- another medical model implying that we should ignore and deny the wondrous-ness that is the human body. The health that you are seeking is also seeking you, it is not outside of you, it is you, your body has all the resources and skills to heal itself when provided the right tools and with the willingness to HEAL the hard shit-cucka.
The body, and I am now talking about the actual physical form of our bodies-- it is just a container of energy, of your spirit, of your emotional and mental self, of your wisdom and truth, and the LOVE that is you. All that being said, we have an obligation to take care of our physical form-- to offer it joyful movement, fresh air, sun, water, time with the earth and food from the earth.
We experience pain in the body when we only see its form, and we run the show purely from the space in our heads. Most of us spend so much time trying to present our package with a pretty bow on top, looking "good" on the outside when a lot of the healing that needs to be done is an inside job.
For some, there isn't even time for any these exterior body issues because they are in all-out survival mode, scraping for the actual essentials of life.
If we are in a position where our day to day needs are easily met and we live without major disability or illness, then gratitude is the medicine to give your body.
People who have a mental or physical disability are not separate only different in that fact that they may have limitations on they way they can use their body or they lack the ability to speak their truth. They are not less able in any other sense, and they should never be meant to feel so, because we all FEEL the same. We are all whole and complete.
Inclusion has no tone of exclusivity, it is time to smash the walls that have been built down, and realize when we are unintentionally or intentionally building new ones.
We all are in a survival mode of some sort because we have survival patterns, some a real requirement to living, while others just a belief or a behavioral model we adopted because we felt unsafe or learned it generationally.
We have this survival mechanism built right into our brains for a reason but it has been hijacked by the way we have evolved and the constant stream of synthetic energy coming from all our technological "advances", I am using the quotes here to imply it hasn't completed elevated our species the way we think it is, in case that was confusing.
No, technology is most certainly a big player in the attack on our mind, body, and spirit-- especially by means of the various news channels and social media. But hey it isn't all bad since I can connect with you and share this message, dark is needed to see the light, and only evil on the path gets burned.
However, the constant exposure to perceived threats, real violence and gross politics that have very little concern for our real purpose here on earth-- that's a problem. Our brains can't differentiate between perceived threats and the increase in the real ones has certainly got a lot of people looking over their shoulders.
The fact that these platforms were meant for connection but make us more disconnected than ever is an interesting paradigm.
How many of us really know that they are using the strives we have made in understanding how humans tick to watch our behaviors on these spaces and market relentlessly, feeding the greed problem.
The fact is that our superhuman computer that is our brain is being fed "likes" so that dopamine is released and we continue the vicious cycle of seeking validation while causing an actual addiction to our devices, and this is happening intentionally, F'd up!
But hey its all our choice, right?
Here's an interesting fact I heard recently though I am struggling to find the source at the moment
After 3 minutes or less on a social media platform women are experiencing up to a 70% increase in feelings of depression and anxiety.
Does that happen to you? Honestly? Or is the body of being so numb and sad that it isn't connecting those dots.
With all these issues in our tissues, it is time to get real and conscious with ourselves. If you are dissatisfied with your body and your language about yourself is always negative, maybe it is time to look at those emotions and heal them.
In yoga, we speak of a soft focal point called "Drishti" which is really an inward focus. The physical practice is just the first layer of the real yoga, it is a tool meant to take you into your body to get out of your head and really be able to hear the signals of what lies beneath.
So my yoga teacher preach is about being with your body with curiosity and compassion, moving physically in a way that helps you wake up to your bodies attempts to signal you as to where your body image or other issues are really coming from.
I could go on and on but the point has been made and its time to sing you a song.
Your Body is A Mother F’n Wonderland
There really is something about the way your hair falls on your unique face.
Please love the shape you take when crawling towards your pillowcase.
Let your body tell you where to go but LEAVE your mind to find it.
If you want love, then by god freakin’ make it, you are it.
Swim in your deep sea, with patience.
Make all your big plans, and seek the truth and understanding
it's bound to take a while.
Your body is a Mother F’n Wonderland
It is a wonder-filled vessel of life, be gracious and behold it.
Use your hands on your wonderland and give it lovin’ care.
Say, damn body I’m frustrated!
But your mine all mine all mine and even if it takes all the afternoons
I’ll take this time
Just me discovering me, until I finally see.
My body is a wonderland, and I am ready to treat her so.
Ps. if you hadn't gauged it or read one of my rants before, I dig music, and it heals. This song is giving me all the feels right now, and it is a part of this conversation.